What Is Wrong With Me?

I have to hold myself, I have to keep on the floor, standing.
Dream, only in moments possible and free
of negative glances, of words even worse.
Although I live with it without being able to escape now forever.

Family, Family: what is it?
I feel uncomfortable in my own family.
I do not envy those who feel,
but I appreciate from afar, something I have wanted to for me today.

So I wonder: what is wrong with me?
What do I need?
And why they all do not have back what they gave and give me?

oh life, please be fair, but be for real.
No more pity. I am tired and bored by it all.
Give me life, give me light, give me patience and some sanity.