the hunting, the silence, the hiding
I wish someone could understand this ache inside
I do sometimes, and I do not in other moments
how do I feel so lonely?
Did I entered a comfort zone about your caring without words,
not really seeing that I deserved and needed so much more?
certainly, I need to see through myself
instead of leaving me by the sidewalk
as I do, yes I do sometimes
I was thinking a lot about it yesterday:
the hunting, the silence, the hiding of 'bad' aspects
all of me to you
where is me in all of my glory and misery?
and where are you more often?
why it seems I am the only one going after?
you are more distant than ever
and I do not know how to deal with that and my feelings in between
in the noise of my head,
in the crowd out loud around my work place,
in the dreams of my deep or weak sleep,
the sounds never stops as I wish they do
words I do not say
actions I diminish
analitic looks I give you
only for your approval somehow
moments I always want to enjoy more to last longer
because I know they would end
and they are going in this direction, again
it seems everything I do will not hold you closer to me
after all, we can agree you do not want that
within I know for some time that you do feel the same way I do for you
summing up your moving to another state,
leaving me in this state of missing
maybe this ache is a grieving I am going through?
how do I feel so lonesome
and not heard
by you and others along the way?
why only myself gets near to comprehend my chaos?
so many words unsaid before and questions unanswered now
maybe indeed it is a grieving and a changing screaming to happen in me
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