the hunting, the silence, the hiding

 I wish someone could understand this ache inside

I do sometimes, and I do not in other moments

how do I feel so lonely?

Did I entered a comfort zone about your caring without words,

not really seeing that I deserved and needed so much more?

certainly, I need to see through myself

instead of leaving me by the sidewalk

as I do, yes I do sometimes

I was thinking a lot about it yesterday:

the hunting, the silence, the hiding of 'bad' aspects

all of me to you

where is me in all of my glory and misery?

and where are you more often?

why it seems I am the only one going after?

you are more distant than ever

and I do not know how to deal with that and my feelings in between

in the noise of my head,

in the crowd out loud around my work place,

in the dreams of my deep or weak sleep,

the sounds never stops as I wish they do

words I do not say

actions I diminish

analitic looks I give you 

only for your approval somehow

moments I always want to enjoy more to last longer

because I know they would end

and they are going in this direction, again

it seems everything I do will not hold you closer to me

after all, we can agree you do not want that

within I know for some time that you do feel the same way I do for you

summing up your moving to another state,

leaving me in this state of missing

maybe this ache is a grieving I am going through?

how do I feel so lonesome

and not heard

by you and others along the way?

why only myself gets near to comprehend my chaos?

so many words unsaid before and questions unanswered now

maybe indeed it is a grieving and a changing screaming to happen in me