You are leaving and it is growing a black hole where my heart is

 who do I talk to when I do not rely on or fill in

with anyone but myself and words written?

I do not think they will understand exactly how I feel right now

they will only say automatic words

and start talking about their lives

the chaos of the moment is:

he will live in another city

two hours away

in only four days 

the distance we already had in some level

will multiplicate

and I need to be ready for this change

still, I am not

these feelings are too heavy for me to deal with

the kind so mixed up chaotic wandering inside of me

which now, confusion is the best word to describe 

a never ending line entwined on itself

growing something similar to

a black hole where my heart is

my core cries

outside it is a fassade of seriousness and indifference

at same time, swallowing the crying

it seems easy to do this

but not to deal with those feelings

it is hard, so hard that words fail me

it is so heavy, but I know I will get through this

somehow I am already

even though it does not feel entirely true or real

I am divided by wild feelings

and damn, I will miss him so

I will miss the easy way to get to your house

I will miss our long conversations 

and you playing randomly without watching the clock

matter in fact,

I am missing since june our sudden encounters

maybe that is why I am knowing a little how to handle

yet so I need to understand and 

to move on like you are doing 

to feel in the same level as you also

or I will feel like a fool again

comes the time when everything changes

and there is no space to embrace the sorrow

I can say that I am happy for you

this changing indeed will be incredible on your life

the amount of comprehension is

intersecting with some denial and emotional confusion

and loneliness 

this one is not in the horizon yet to get comfy

You are leaving and it is growing

a black hole where my heart is

that I need to inure to

in my own time