Nonexistent Idle.

I do not find myself today
black moon
intensity all over me
but not even close as good as it use to be
the idleness is not
so
constant anymore
there is something good in that
and bad also
or maybe it is just a heavy day
and I
going through it all
swamped
smothered
tired
where are you, moon?
just when I need you so.
long summer days
seems last forever and a little more
exhausted
I beg for rest
how can I feel alive for now if I am a mess tonight?

although I am awake,
I can not deny my
body's
soul's
mind's
fate.