silently loud

 there is just too much on my mind right now

i can not think anything straight

anxiety is eating me by my bones

these days of no work are a blessing to rest 

not only my body, but my head and soul together

at the same level

the waiting is something too big for me not to emerge

because much of what I am

is water, troubled water

and my ocean is transbording as I write here.

a night of good waves is the peaceful moment I have been craving

time, with no pressure

music, in the back

I know I only need to trust the universe and let it go

but the routine takes me bad

more even little disasters according to my expectations

to recharge is all I need on the day by day

no matter how

and when I can not, it gets colder on the inside

a cold i can not diminish

and my heart races all on its own

and my lungs seems like it is being stepped on

too many little things to handle

very much like the important things are passing throught my fingers and I can not feel them

sometimes i think I have the right answer to all

but this charging on myself is being right now and 

will be collected later

i do it without realizing

i need to stop

and breathe

before the screaming from within gets out silently loud.