once more another harsh start

once more,

I was not good enough for them

although, I did what I could

once more,

I was fooled by trusting,

by giving my all 

by feeling comfortable 

where now, is just a memory

another routine changed

another downfall

another shot in the heart

finally I was in the way of soothing

what my past actions did to my future 

and now, I am lying in bed, crying

trying to understand

the high praises that became bad critic

seems like I dreamt of it

or I am in somekind of a nightmare

once more,

this is all real and too palpable 

although, inside I was somehow expecting it

by insecurity and intuition entwined

another fight to be faced (once more)

another harsh start (once more)

another instability 

into the ocean I call my core 

where do I do? where do I go?

I do not want to rewind the tape 

I just crave for security and lull

I know I am good enough

but why only I can perceive that?