somethings I struggle with still

 this feeling of not doing enough 

my anxiety tell me you do not care about me that much

sometimes I think I am sensing 

but it is only a another ghost over me

like a little paranoia

I do not believe in it

still it clings into me in my worst moments

right on the weak spots

right on the heavy days

it is not always that i have the strength to talk with myself

and show my wrongings

and how I can change 

and when someone comes with 

a sudden knife on my shoulder

spilling poison on the old wound

reopening by burning from the inside

the undersestimation that drives me mad

triggering what I have been trying to make better

how do you want me to be in plain reason

when living with you?

when having these ghosts,

yes, so aware,

yet still a surprise some of the times

suffocating like it all is

the tiniest room for the highest claustrophobic person

that is how it feels 

this sudden knife of yours

that is why I force stop realizing the sky everyday

not only it is a natural art

but also a sweet distraction to the pain

somekind of hope, after all it fills my chest 

the dive in gratitude

i know i know so I overcharge myself 

in some part, a lot

that is why it is a constant improvement

to who I am indeed

who I love despite the caos of the core

I am not your vision of perfection

I am not a pattern to stick on your wall

nothing more than my own bittersweet imperfection

I am on my way to acceptance of my truth

these are somethings I struggle with still

and there will be more along the path

and yes, it is all right

to oppose once for all

to impose is giving hands to their crazy wars

do not believe what those voices say