somethings I struggle with still

this feeling of not doing enough

of not being enough for you

takes me down in the void with it

my anxiety tells me

you do not care about me that much

you make me feel I am too much

but it is only a another ghost over me

like a little paranoia

desired and intentioned by you

I do not believe in it

still it clings into me in my worst moments

right on the weak spots

right on the heavy days

it is not always that I have the strength

to comfort myself

and show myself my wrongings

and how I can change 

but when suddenly someone comes with a knife

and poison to imerse the old wound

reopening it by burning from the inside

the aches not dealed back then that drives me mad

triggering what I have been trying to make better

how do you want me to be in full reason

when co-living in you?

when having these demons reminders,

returning to the same unfortunate events

shivering with scary surprises,

no true consideration

suffocating just like

locked up in the tiniest room

being a claustrophobic person

that is how it feels 

this sudden knife of yours

that is why I notice dearly the sky everyday

not only it is a natural art for free

but also a sweet distraction to the pain

some kind of hope, after all it fills my chest 

a dive in acknowledgement

I live for the love despite the caos of the core

understand once for all:

I am not your vision of perfection

I am not a pattern to stick on your wall

I am my own sweet imperfection

and I need to swallow that I do not need you 

to love me despite I am not your broken mirrored image

these are somethings I struggle with still

and there will be more along the path

in the end it does not really matter

I am on my way to my truth

(do not believe what those voices say)

(these fears taking over you)

(are the reflections of their own fears)