(not) enough

i should be writing more

i should be earning more

i should be out of here

i should be handling this better

i should be moving forward

i should be lighter but the real life of now does not let me 

i should know life does not happen the way we want it to be

unfortunately

yet every week I am spiriling down 

I can not take it anymore

inside i know some of the answer

the other ones are needed to pay money or my soul to take

I do not have one and would not deliver another

so here I am in this mess deeper everyday more

sometimes i get to the bottom where I get to hear somethings i try not to listen, not again

soon

i can feel

i know inside

even though sometimes is hard to trust

it is close to fill me with life again

the waiting is the torture,

the suffering is daring me to stay

wise and believing

that change is coming

and what i already do is enough

and I am more loving than i think I am

I am more capable than i lie to myself I am

breathe, girl, your shoulders have been tired

head up, little tree, follow your way to grow 

to the sun, to the moon, 

to anywhere you feel like going