Superficial Sea. ('Buts')

I think the worst thing to feel in moments like this
Is to feel solitary, alone, not loved,
Feeling that everyone is getting tired of you,
To feel this cold disgusting empty in my belly.

There are few whose say it is going to be better,
But nothing makes me believe on the within of it.

I am on the superficial sea,
Waiting for some light from these above skies.
I dived, I entered, I dreamt, I died, I left, I lost, I lied,
I was not myself.
But, now, just now, when I am being who I really am,
When I am telling what I realize every day, the harsh and naked truth,
I am getting hurt in all the ways, from all the directions.
No peace of mind.
I feel no peace. At all.

I wish I could really disappear
If it is not forever, only for some day,
Until everyone figure out what I worth while I was still there.
To figure out myself in the middle of this huge chaos, I must call life.
A simple diagnosis, or just a 'die noia' of... me.

My thoughts are stronger on the other side,
The desires are getting fuller
This is something I just cannot take any longer, not anymore.

I got tired a long time ago,
But no one ever listens, no one ever cares
Everyone says it all is just a moment,
Everyone says I am going mad.
Wow, yes, I must be.
The damnation I want to turn them into,
Only for them to feel what I am feeling inside.
But, I cannot, I never can. Only they are allowed. And I do not understand.

I am giving up bit by bit.
Influenced by their words,
By their expressions,
Because everything is on how you express it,
How you look in the eye, how the words get out of your mouth.
But, they do not turn themselves on, they do not realize.
And I am probably
The only one here who is connected on it,
The only who is getting severely hurt and
No one even give a damn.

I just cannot keep standing,
Leaving them throwing their anger and mistakes on me, so certain of that.
That is why I am leaving with the fate.
Giving my light to the air.
Surrendering.
Just delivering. Away.

I am on the superficial sea,
Waiting for some light from these above skies.