Miscellaneous Abstinence Inner & Utterly.

broken
lost and loose
leashed
outter and inner
utterly
bad
naughty and dirty
freed
almost rotting by the imagination so alive

I want to feel like in love with life
not only in lust
I want to feel as bright as the moonlight
least but not last
and all I feel is being left

it feels like I am in some drug abstinence
there is no recognition of myself
nor mirrored, nor by the angle of my sighs
distance brings me love with myself
also, a headache when it comes to feel it inside
nor hellish, nor heavenly
I am in betweens
of everything I am and am not

regrets
just a part of me
realising
I am apart of me

babe, come here
why are you so afraid?
why are you so closed?
you know you are no good
still, you are enlightened
maybe this is your mood for the week
death, renovation and a breath of life
in this black moon weekend
speak low or no speak at all
sing it to get the demons out
there are a lot, we all know

we are made of disaster, deconstruction, reconstruction
and it is even deeper our skin than I imagined
the end will come, babe
closer and closer but never there
when high, up, you see the feelings
you feel the visions
all belongs to the essence of self
a smile shows
friends are there even far
farther than our hopes and other expectations craves

people are running
leaving it all behind
by the purpose of seeking the beauty of happiness

babe, come closer
I am so afraid, it is a fact
I say I am open, but not whole
the heart cries while the soul bleeds trying to breathe
in any harmony there is
out of the sweetest shivering down the bone
of the sensation of getting high
just sober
just normal
just alone after all
there is where I do not recognize myself

I need a dope
the world is too fucked up
my world is too fucked up
living for today, dreaming for tomorrow
and I can not stop thinking
feels good to write it out
even though it does not change anything big
I just want to get out of here
the other way would be to disappear

now that I stop and hear
myself in breakdown
this is where I can get
my universe wanting explosion
some kind of a miscellaneous abstinence inner utterly
- this is who you are
who you do not know yet.