the tower of that first august

some things I miss
things that delivers me
a balance of living in the day by day
the sky and clouds in flames,
like a huge bonfire 
and the sun himself
setting on the horizon behind
some bad architecture
still and so visible
the moon rising right after
with her light in the floor of my old room
almost like it was cut and shed her fluid 
where I can see the feeling and feel the shine upon
in the most needed moments

the vision I had of my entire window
the tree so strong despite the air not so clean
the sensation of pretty liberties inside a cube of good energies
it feels kind of funny
because where I lived was a chaos basically every day

here should be a starter to a better living
but it is not the sensation it brings
it is a cold breeze that lives here way before me
maybe I came in the anxiety of greeting a new chapter
without solving some important things
for I am such a young head with a bon vivant soul
and there are realities that bruise me easily
for my heart born hemorrhagic
and my breathing gets rough these times
just high and tight enough
where I can not control
and wounds I swear I closed
are now open and hurting
I do not feel like myself
once more

to runaway from this tower in flames is not a option but
the only thing to do
not stumbling on my own steps
but watching every angle, every way out
to recover my breath and trust my instincts
even if it all feels like a weight I can not carry
in some part this is fear from the pressure I am in
becoming voices inside my head

maybe it is just a bad phase before a better one
to be used as learning
to pass through those heavy space hours 
and the feelings brought all at once
that sometimes I find myself drowned in
deep inside my seventh sense screams
I will meet my sunny days again

to step outside first to just see

the huge clouds all gathered up
the surface is calling for me

to catch some air
to give myself a moment
to kill the ache by reborn
every piece of me

I thought I lost

they are all here, only forgotten by forbidden

to allow, to know, to set free my sides

to make alliances with my own demons

for them not to manifest again by turning against me

oh, those good chills of daring myself are around me

(improved text from 29th of august of 2019)