Illusions Of All Matters.

I did not saw it as it was
Really, in the matter
In the flesh
I created a scenary in my head
Mixing the good times
But did not pay attention to the
danger it would cause there forward
I was living a romantic comedy
With gas lighting
Never realizing that the bad
was eating me from the inside
Alive I wish I was
I was surviving
Living a love in the form of a lie.
The illusion that everything was fine
And just perfect
When it was an everyday fight for something
Tears and fears day by day
A non-existing struggle
Only love for the wrong angle
It hurts more when you are the one loving the most
Self-affliction
Agony masked of hope
Screaming but no voice
I wish they could give you open mind and heart
But how they could give something they have not?
That they never knew what it was, how it felt?
Once I felt for you
And you nothing did
Only brought more self-hathred in form of the ego, the jealousy, the conservadorism
A copy of them
The perfect son
Where perfection is nothing but
closed doors and windows and slots
You could give me and yourself anything,
but love.

I was the pretender,
Myself in denial
Because there would be no acception
Deep inside I knew
My intuition was out loud.
Some people just have too much ego
And do not learn from their mistakes
Wisely and positive
They take it to the dark side
Stupidly and negative
Too harsh while it is no big deal
Openness, softness, solidarity
Lack of it all
Illusion of all matters.

The truth is wilder for some ones
Lay down on your deep blue knives sea
Settle down as you do alone
The sky has no limit to me, the universe is my finity.