soon to be blooming again

 my head have been in another place

not the one with a stable ground

I am forcing myself to spill out the words

while my tea is getting cold

my will to rhyme, my desire to be flowing

in love, in matter, in fortune

are not getting fulfilled on this page

I am far from this

the future of the day of tomorrow is scattered

like my mind

the future of my month of december is certain

maybe then I will feel better about it all

what are now crushing me, withdrawing me

from the sensation of equilibrium

I thought I had in me

but it does not belong to me

it is a place I can reach in moments 

where most of my chaotic surroundings are not compounding

with every fiber of my core

what I really wish for is all finding its arrangement 

to be seen, to be felt

not the pleasant truth,

for it may contain occult lies

those ones we avoid to stare in the mirror

for life is already difficult

so the viciousness embrace

the routine grabs the skin

the clock bomb ticking 

to explode the implosion any moment now

this is why I am forcing myself to spill it out by writing

I need to understand and

at least try my best to make amends 

this body, this mind, this soul

is a temporary home

which I need to take care

the reliable territory to act and also rest

now I am just hiding inside my apartment

as long as I can

until I have to be on stage and face the world

while the wallflowers lives their winter

soon to be blooming again

reminding me to breathe deeply to get me farther from the burst