you know these words are for you.

 and then the expectations I kept inside

was destroyed all at once

by seeing you sealing your future

in happiness and sadness

in health and sickness

the scenary in the picture so beautiful

the volcano in me bubbling at its top,

running down its sides

i am really happy for you

but in misery for me

now with a certainty that we will not happen anymore

it was a flame, so high

so many shades of intensity

even from afar

even never touching each other

we felt it as if

now this is what it is

i never saw rain falling so gentle

almost taken by the soft breeze passing

I blink,

and the rain has tightened

exactly how I am within

pooring a little and suddenly heavily

in some instants, together

hard is the acceptance, harder when hopes involved

the sun trying to show itself among so many clouds

in their one thousand shades of gray

all over my head

and I do not want to try to enlight

for my all is feelings' full

every part of me

I reread your last many words to me

so choiceless and so transparent yet so hopeful

I captured them in the moment you sent

you said you could not ask me to let the door open, yet I did

you said you wanted to listen to me, I poured back, yet you did not

indeed we are so alike

detailedly, intensely, lost

I miss all of it, all of you

I hope your heart is softer

I love that you share the same physical plain just as you do

I wish you could be reading this

to be sure that I did not forget you

despite the distance so infinite on these days

i am resenting you in this moment

but I know I will be all right, sometime

staring to nowhere

all I needed now was a longing and almost suffocating embrace

from someone I sweetly care about

only my own is not enough today

thank you for apresenting me to your doom (and to gojira, which just started playing)

it was a pleasure.