love in red (a sorrowful dawn)

 perhaps I got to the point of exhaustion

for falling in love with all my heart

and again, left behind broken hearted

aching and pretending to be numb to it all

to abstract to feel better 

when in fact to live hiding what have been overloading my chest

it turned out to be a type of agony

i just want to love and be loved in return

why can not I?

I enjoy the fluid open friendships 

I enjoy being on my own

still seems like I am somehow doomed to

letting in and get hurt big time

because I feel too much,

and sometimes too much for people who

are not pursuing this road with me 

I am finding myself really tired

but tell me,

how can you change something you can not exactly control,

like a passion, a loving,

and or feeling finally in tune with someones

i do not want to expect inside my head

I want to live real relations

structured, 

head and feet both on 

the clouds and ground

not for some weeks and bye

for I am tired of temporary

I am not saying I want to marry

and have fruitions and have a boring kind of living

much less of that,

and more of

wanting back my still healthy heart

feeling like home lying next to someone

and not getting into an end what,

in truth and flow,

started yesterday

i have been craving for a love in red, not in tones of gray